Tag Archives: Romney
Analysts: “Romney is much more like a Ken doll.”
DERTROIT… ERRR WAIT, NEW ORLEANS – After an intense debate among the national news pundits, political experts have concluded that Mitt Romney is much more similar to a Ken doll than an etch-a-sketch. “While Mr. Romney’s inconsistency regarding policy matters and easy ‘shake-ability’ are clear etch-a-sketch attributes, his carefully sculpted hair, lifeless eyes, and smug [...]
Romney Threatens to Withdraw from Race Since GOP Likes Santorum So Much
UNIMPORTANT TOWN, AL – After months of pandering to ultra-conservative, Tea Party Republicans only to be met with mistrust and outright hostility, former Massachusetts governor Mitt “Dead Eyes” Romney has threatened to withdraw his candidacy from the race for the GOP presidential nomination out of pure spite. Since the beginning of his bid for the [...]
Area Man Honestly Excited About GOP Field
LANSING, MI – On the eve of Michigan’s Republican presidential primary, officials from laser sound effects and political polling organization the Pew Research Center have identified an individual living Lansing, Michigan as “dangerously excited” about current GOP field. “He tested off the charts in enthusiasm and passion. It was quite unsettling,” said Peter Maxero, Chief [...]