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Apple Unveils New iNternet

INTUITIVELY DESIGNED APPLE iHQ – With the intensity of a lion ready to pounce on a wounded gazelle, the technology saint, dressed in his holy garb of a mock turtleneck and jeans, entered the room carrying nothing more than an envelope and deck of cards. Those lesser mortals in the room trembled as reality bent and quivered in his wake. As one they readied their souls for the sacred words of their prophet.