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Rick Santorum

News Media Scrambles to Prolong GOP Primary Contest

CHICAGO, IL – Former moderate Mitt Romney’s sizable lead in the polls over rival Rick Santorum on the eve of Illinois’ primary has forced major news media outlets to scramble to prolong what has become a bitter nomination process. “Through diligent, hard work, the cable

The Candidates

Area Man Honestly Excited About GOP Field

LANSING, MI – On the eve of Michigan’s Republican presidential primary, officials from laser sound effects and political polling organization the Pew Research Center have identified an individual living Lansing, Michigan as “dangerously excited” about current GOP field. “He tested off the charts in enthusiasm