HEAVEN – Looking worn and haggard in front of a rapt press corps, the supreme being of all creation began to distance himself and the entirety of Christianity from GOP hopeful and religious conservative Rick Santorum. The Alpha and the Omega of the cosmos stated
LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL – Read from the trembling lips of a balding, translucent man with a faint air of belabored resignation, the statement stunned those members of the media in attendance. Jaws dropped. Pens fell to the floor. The faint of heart swooned. Questions soon erupted from the silent void, however, besieging the resolute figure with one singular question: How? The pale man wiped a brow, scarred by eons of wrinkles, and began his dismal tale.