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Toyota Backpedaling Accelerates

RUNAWAY CAMRY, KANSAS – Criticized as lethargic in its response to potentially deadly problems in some of its most popular models, car giant Toyota Motor Corp. fought off barrage after barrage of intense questioning by Congress this week. The embattled manufacturer attempted to walk the razor’s edge between displaying humility while trying to save face and reinvigorate confidence in its product.

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Banks Promise Not to Fail Again

DERIVATIVE NURSERY – After many months of intense behind-the-scenes negotiations with Congress, those prominent banks which were being designated “too big to fail,” and hence received federal bailout funds, have promised not to fail again. The promise, a completely nonbinding and optional agreement, has gained

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Christmas Day Bomber Realized He was going to Detroit

DETROIT, MICHIGAN – In what turned out to be a hilarious case of mistaken intentions, “Christmas Day Bomber” Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab allegedly attempted to detonate an explosive device on Northwest Airlines Flight 253 only after learning he was moments from arriving in Detroit, Michigan. “It