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Banks Promise Not to Fail Again

DERIVATIVE NURSERY – After many months of intense behind-the-scenes negotiations with Congress, those prominent banks which were being designated “too big to fail,” and hence received federal bailout funds, have promised not to fail again. The promise, a completely nonbinding and optional agreement, has gained

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Congress Just Kidding, Passed Healthcare Bill in June

CONGRESSIONAL SPA – Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid and Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi held an unannounced joint press conference yesterday, baffling political experts as to its meaning. Five hours after asking the congressional reporters “Guess what?”, Speaker Pelosi revealed that Congress and the Obama Administration had actually passed the controversial healthcare bill in late June. Both congressional leaders then burst into uproarious laughter while pointing at reporters and yelling, “Gotchya!”