Production began almost immediately. CNN bought huge tracts of land from China, Kazakhstan, Uzbekistan, and Tajikistan in order to build its own country. Entire cities, towns, and villages were built by college interns in painstaking detail so as to accurately portray the environment of a former Soviet bloc country. Millions of people from neighboring countries were then imported into the newly formed state. According to high-level sources, every individual was assigned a specific ethnicity, personality, and political disposition.
DERIVATIVE NURSERY – After many months of intense behind-the-scenes negotiations with Congress, those prominent banks which were being designated “too big to fail,” and hence received federal bailout funds, have promised not to fail again. The promise, a completely nonbinding and optional agreement, has gained
CANADIAN DESERT – According to high level administration officials, the White House has decided that planet Earth, long believed to be a crucial component of all human existence, will not be “bailed out” of its current climate disaster by the United States government. White House officials, who spoke on condition of anonymity for fear of reprisal, revealed that the administration “had weighed the pros and cons of saving Earth, but did not want to set a precedent that other planets may exploit.”