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Scientists Run Out of Condescending Scientific Analogies for Normal People

GENEVA – With the discovery of a potential Higgs particle, the scientific community has officially exhausted its supply of condescending analogies to explain complex scientific concepts to the average person.

“We really tried with this one, but there was just no way to reduce the complexity of quantum mechanics and the Higgs-Boson in such a way so that it would be easily understood by someone without a scientific background,” explained Dr. Wulhof Gregedor, a physicist that worked closely on the project which led to the discovery. “We thought we had something with comparing the Higgs to a banana and normal particles to a pennies, but it all fell apart in the end.”

Fun Fact: The book about the Higgs boson was originally titled the "Goddamn Particle" because of how hard it was to find but was changed so as not to offend anyone.

Fun Fact: The book about the Higgs boson was originally titled the “Goddamn Particle” because of how hard it was to find but was changed so as not to offend anyone. This is totally true.

According to top officials, lead scientists involved with the discovery agonized over the lack of a proper analogy. According to reports, the problem was considered so significant that the announcement of the discovery was delayed for “at least half a year”.

Eventually, the CERN scientists at Geneva decided the catchy term “God Particle” was “good enough” and decided to announce their findings.

Since the announcement, the scientific community has noted the historic nature of both the possible discovery of the Higgs particle and the absence of a condescending analogy to accompany it.

“Sure, finding the God Particle is great and all, but I think running out of condescending analogies has much greater implications regarding science going forward,” explained Dr. Gary Monroe, a Physics Professor at Michigan State University. “How will I explain new concepts to my students without new, childish analogies to pizza or swimming?”

Dr. Monroe went on to characterize the consequences as “dire” and “unprecedented”.

The general public has exhibited an unusual amount of interest in the discovery, with most reports indicating an increased chance of coworkers talking about “the exciting achievement” of “finally finding the God Particle” despite their complete lack of understanding.