Ron Paul Campaign Forgets Candidate at Gas Station
CORNVILLE, IL – According to early reports, Texas Representative and Republican presidential nominee candidate Ron Paul was forgotten by his campaign staff at a local gas station after they had finished refueling.
Sources close to the campaign stated that they were paying attention to “more important” matters that required their attention, like statements from other candidates. Staffers discovered their mistake “a few hours later” and turned around “a while after that” to pick up Mr. Paul.
“We just totally forgot about him. I think he went inside to get some baked potato chips or something, and we went ahead and left without him,” said Don Elbard, Mr. Paul’s Chief of Staff. “This is actually a common mistake. One time we left him at a rest stop at three days before we realized he wasn’t with us.”
Campaign sources stated that Mr. Paul seemed unaware that his support staff’s abrupt departure and was found explaining Austrian economic principles to the gas station attendant, who was immediately hospitalized following the event.
According to reports from campaign and hospital staff, the attendant, whose identity has not been released due to privacy concerns, experienced cranial bleeding and bleeding from the ears after such prolonged and direct exposure to Mr. Paul.
“This was a serious oversight on our part, and we promise to be more careful with our monitoring of Mr. Paul’s whereabouts in the future,” said a campaign spokesperson after news of the attendant’s condition was released. “We have discussed the possibility of making Mr. Paul wear a shocker collar.”
Despite the campaign’s commitment to better tracking of the candidate, political analysts believe that constant awareness of Mr. Paul’s location will be extremely difficult due to his innate ability to be totally ignored.
The Environmental Protection Agency has stated that, due to Mr. Paul’s toxic nature, leaving the candidate unattended in the future may result in fines and regulatory actions against the campaign.