Republican Tsunami Devastates Indonesia
JAKARTA, INDONESIA – Aid organizations are increasing relief efforts in the Southeast Asian country of Indonesia this week following the historic Republican tidal wave that tore through the island nation earlier this month. Donations have been pouring in from the international community since reports made clear the horrific damage and human casualties of the tsunami.
According to surviving witnesses of the initial wave, coastal residents realized something was horribly wrong when the sea dramatically receded, exposing stranded Republican campaign buttons. Early reports indicate a massive wall of tea then inexplicably swelled from the ocean surface before crashing though villages and cities as far as three miles inland. One of the more unusual aspects of the tsunami, witnesses say the wave did not sound like the deafening roar of a thousand angry gods but, rather, seemed to be chanting “Reagan! Palin!”
“All I could hear as my home was destroyed were Republican talking points,” recalled coastal local Assif Tsehana. “We thought were prepared after the 2004 disaster, but it’s obvious now that the government had no plan for dealing a conservative wave of such magnitude.”
Sources have also described strange incidents where boats filled with individuals dressed in American Revolutionary War costumes did not rescue survivors clinging to trees and trapped on the upper stories of building, but, instead, handed out pamphlets criticizing big government before disappearing.
“They simply told us to pull ourselves up by things called ‘bootstraps.’ I did not understand. All my shoes had been destroyed by the tea; I was barefoot at the time,” said Mr. Tsehana, “ We were starving and dehydrated. Why didn’t they offer to help us?”
“I hope the Republicans can provide this ‘government takeover of healthcare’ because the Indonesian people are going to need it,” commented aid worker John McClemson when asked about the thousands of dead, displaced, and injured.
Reports have also surfaced that suggest anyone who has accidently ingested the tsunami tea may be at risk of becoming a Republican. Common symptoms include talking about small-government, cutting taxes, and enrolling in Beck University.
Experts believe the tsunami will cause Indonesia to involve itself in two unfunded wars, pander to the old, and elect a cowboy president.