O’Reilly Factor’s “No Spin Zone” Disrupts Earth’s Rotation
NO SPIN ZONE – Data recently released by the Environmental Protection Agency suggests that the “No Spin Zone” (NSZ) located on the set of The O’Reilly Factor with Bill O’Reilly, a popular program on the Fox News Channel, is adversely affecting planet Earth’s natural rotation, experts say.
“Places like this simply shouldn’t exist according to accepted theories of the physical universe,” explained an exasperated Dr. John Whitaker, professor of physics at Massachusetts Institute of Technology. “Electrons, molecules, air – nothing spins. Global Warming, Hurricane Katrina, devastating tsunamis, Michael Jackson’s death; we’ve all felt the affects the NSZ has had on the planet.”
The findings could not come at a worse time for Mr. O’Reilly who, with his cable and radio programs, is already a major carbon dioxide emitter. Various environmentalist groups have called The O’Reilly Factor set to be deemed a hazardous materials facility, which would require heavy regulation of all emissions deemed a threat to public health.
The report may also put further legal pressure on Fox News Entertainment Group, owner of The Fox News Channel, which is currently involved in a class-action lawsuit with former employees that claim to have developed terminal brain, lung, and skin cancer after working on the set of the O’Reilly Factor.
“There is no proven link between The O’Reilly Factor and cancer,” declared Fox News Entertainment Group spokesperson Andrea McHalehan. She went on to state that the NSZ only harms the “corrupt lame-stream media” by holding those in power accountable to the “hardworking Americans like Joe the Plummer and Bob the Builder.”
Former O’Reilly Factor camera operator Joseph Zandro disagrees, however.
“When the Big Dog [Bill O’Reilly] spoke it was nothing but smoke bellowing out,” remarked Mr. Zandro. “I remember we all started wearing gas masks after that one intern suffocated handing him a cup of coffee. We could feel our bodies trying to spin, but the Big Dog’s sheer will stopped us.”
Citing the popularity of fellow Fox News Channel personality Glen Beck, some experts have expressed concern that containment of the No Spin Zone and its effects may no longer be possible.
Remarked Dr. Whitaker: “We are reaching a tipping point.”