Mitt Romney Surprised to Meet Employed Michigan Voter
LANSING, MI – During an unscheduled stop at local Denny’s in Lansing, Michigan, former Massachusetts governor and Touch of Gray hair dye model Mitt Romney was surprised to meet an employed Michigander, according to those that witnessed the encounter.
According to early reports, Mitt Romney was absolutely dumbfounded after meeting the gainfully employed Michigander. Stumbling away from a throng of supporters, the GOP hopeful purportedly looked glassy eyed while mumbling incoherently about having “thought [he] had fired them all”, say witnesses.
“We had coached him on every type of human interaction, but we could never have anticipated that Romney would meet a Michigan citizen with a job,” explained a senior strategist for the Romney campaign who is not at liberty to speak openly about campaign techniques.
Top Romney aides have stated that the chance of Mr. Romney meeting an employed Michigander was “so remote” that it was “statistically impossible”.
Top strategists for the Romney camp have declared that the embarrassing incident “will not be repeated”.
Those close to the candidate have described Mr. Romney as in a “state of total denial” over the ordeal. Supporters on twitter and Facebook have expressed their sympathies for Mr. Romney and their hope for the candidate’s “quick and speedy recovery”.
Republican media pundits are furious about the incident and believe the employed Michigander was a Democratic operative meant to break Mr. Romney’s mental stability.
“There is no way an employed Michigan resident just happened to be at that particular Denny’s,” said Carl Rove on CNN’s Don’t Change the Channel news program. “Why would somebody with a job eat at a Denny’s? It makes no sense.”
In order to cope with his recent chance encounter, Mr. Romney has reportedly bought and closed the Denny’s where the random meeting took place, leading to an enthusiastic endorsement by the local International House of Pancakes.