Mid-East Dictator put on Endangered Species List
INT’L AUTHORITARIAN WILDLIFE PRESERVE, SAUDI ARABIA – After much public outcry, secretive compromise, and international coverage, the International Union for Conservation of Nature has decided to place the once proud Orientismedii Imperiosa, commonly known as the Middle Eastern Dictator, on the Worldwide Endangered Species List. Coming down only after the ousting of now former Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak, the decision was not made lightly.
“I witnessed more internal strife in the IUCN these past few weeks than I had seen in decades,” commented IUCN Regional Secretary David Lauret. “The majestically brutal Imperiosa has been a cornerstone of the international ecosystem for centuries now.”
The current increase in the numbers of the invasive democratic protestor species began earlier this year with the fall of Tunisia’s magnificently terrible Ben Ali. The threat of a meaningful change in the environment became serious when Egypt’s Hosni Mubarak stepped down, undoing “years of careful cultivation” by Western powers of the Imperiosa species, according to an anonymous agent of the United States Department of Fish and Wildlife.
“We have always had a policy that for every dictator we topple, we supply billions in military aid to another. The EPA even did an environment impact statement for Iraq,” said the same official.
Environmentalists are furious about the current events in Bahrain, Libya, Syria, and Jordan, calling them a “democratic ecological disaster.” Many have suggested that the spread of democratic protestors could lead to an unnatural state of true democracy in the region, which could cause irreversible state of unrelenting freedom. Commentators have agreed that such a state would be “horribly liberating” all involved, dramatically reversing decades of US environment policy.
“We think that years of self-reinforcing megalomania have weakened their natural immunity. We’re calling it ‘Democracy Flu.’ It’s like malaria, but with Twitter,” explained Green Peace volunteer Joel Gracia. “It would just be shame if they disappeared. If we’re not careful, my children may only see Mid-East Dictators oppress millions in despot nature preserves, like Saudi Arabia or New Jersey.”