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John McCain Never a Maverick, Becomes Ultimate Maverick

McCAIN REALITY ZONE, AZ – Encased in a floating orb of pure maverick energy given tangible form, Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) was a sight to behold as he drifted inches above the ground while talking to constituents at a reelection rally. Calling it the “maverick effect,” locals seemed unfazed as their limbs morphed into unrecognizable objects of another dimension when shaking the senator’s hand.

In a move that has stunned political analysts across the nation, Sen. John McCain became one with all maverick energy in the cosmos by stating he “never considered himself to be a maverick” earlier this month during an interview with Newsweek. According to witnesses of the event, Sen. McCain willing invoked the “Trial of the Maverick” by “saying he never thought of himself as a maverick,” which “flooded the room” with maverick energy capable of “undoing the laws of existence.”

“Nobody really thought he would attempt such a feat at his age,” said Laurie Brondale, Harvard political science professor and expert on universe altering inconsistency. “If a mortal fails the Trial of the Maverick, then all integrity is extracted from the individual and he or she is destined to wander the Earth as a mere shell of his or her former self for all eternity. Most end up as cable news pundits.”

McCain Maverick

With his new found powers, Sen. John McCain plans to fight evil with martial arts to determine the fate of the universe.

“By tearing a hole in the fabric of reality, Sen. McCain is just showing us how much of a maverick he really is,” continued Prof. Brondale.

Many experts theorize that Sen. John McCain’s move to become the most inconsistent being in the universe may alienate supporters, especially Tea Party activists, and hurt his chances in the primary election.

Sen. McCain, however, believes his newly attained power to control nature’s consistency will help him gain support from his Republican base.

“There is nothing more that enraged populists like more than inconsistency,” commented Sen. McCain, chuckling. “With phrases like ‘Keep your government hands off my medicare’ and calling President Obama a ‘Fascist communist,’ I think we’ll get along swell.”

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