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Healthcare for Real Americans

The United States of America requires real, comprehensive healthcare reform. The inability of the current system to provide for citizens on every rung of the socio-economic ladder is inexcusable in such an advanced and prosperous nation. I, therefore, was extremely disappointed to discover that not one of the many healthcare bills currently before the House and Senate contained provisions to help an often maligned group of the American public.

Since the advent of the modern healthcare system, Zombie Americans have been unable to procure health insurance or even seek medical assistance due to their pre-existing condition of “undeath.” This is an outrage as these noble patriots have been symbols of hardworking, upstanding citizens since they first immigrated to the United States in late 1940s to escape the Nuremberg Trials. Zombie Americans have been integral members of America’s booming service industry, taking jobs as cashiers and greeters. Some have even pursued careers in the medical field as cadavers.

Zombies advocate for a better afterlife.

Zombies advocate for a better afterlife.

Despite these advances, the needs of Zombie Americans have fallen on deaf ears in Congress, which has instead bowed to the special interests of “Living Americans.” I believe now is the time for Americans to come together and help one another attain affordable healthcare regardless of being “alive” or “deceased.”

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