Congress Just Kidding, Passed Healthcare Bill in June
CONGRESSIONAL SPA – Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid and Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi held an unannounced joint press conference yesterday, baffling political experts as to its meaning. Five hours after asking the congressional reporters “Guess what?”, Speaker Pelosi revealed that Congress and the Obama Administration had actually passed the controversial healthcare bill in late June. Both congressional leaders then burst into uproarious laughter while pointing at reporters and yelling, “Gotchya!”
“They really fooled us this time,” said amused congressional reporter Mark Whitmore. “We didn’t suspect a thing.”
“We’re really proud of Congress for putting on such a believable facade of incompetence. At times I almost forgot that we passed the healthcare Bill with full bipartisan support months ago,” stated Senator Reid between gasps for breath.
“Teddy’s death and Representative Wilson’s outburst showed great commitment by everyone,” added Speaker Pelosi, “It was pretty difficult to look out-of-touch and dysfunctional near the end. We all just wanted to laugh and high-five.”
While some reporters, like Mr. Whitmore, were amused by the incident, some lost their sanity and began carving Revelations, in Latin, into the conference room floorboards.
When asked why they chose to keep the bill a secret, Sen. Reid answered with: “Just ’cause” and “they felt like it.”
“It was fun to see just how quickly civilized discourse could degenerate into senseless demagoguery. Just fantastic – better than the Youtube,” cackled Speaker Pelosi. “We loved the signs depicting President Obama as a Malaysian Nazi Muslim, it showed just how creative the American people can be.”
The congressional leaders decided to reveal the ruse after Breaking News Updates started interfering with their favorite TV shows. Reportedly, a Sen. Reid had been watching a Three Stooges marathon, when a Breaking News Update interrupted to report new healthcare findings. Sen. Reid then jump from his bed and started barking at the television, calming down only after he was given a treat and had his head scratched behind his ears.
“It was sick and completely over-the-line. I thought we were a nation of standards – of decency,” said Sen. Reid.
When asked about the contents of the bill, Speaker Pelosi stated that every man, woman, and child was fully covered under a universal plan. The bill would also force insurance companies to be more competitive, drive down overall costs, does not add to the deficit, and includes a “Lazarus option” that Speaker Pelosi described as “magic.”
Ending the press conference abruptly, the congressional leaders excused themselves to attend what they termed a “Death Panel” for Rush Limbaugh.