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Gingrich: “I would abolish Leap Day.”

TIME VORTEX, EARTH’S CORE – In a bid to grab headlines and energize his ailing campaign for the GOP presidential nomination, former US House Speaker and Pillsbury dough boy Newt Gingrich has recently declared that he would “abolish the elitist, big government doctrine of Leap Day” should he become president. His decisive position on the Leap Day question surprised many longtime political observes, who recalled his earlier moderate statements regarding the issue.

“Look, I’m a historian, and I can tell you for a fact that Leap Day was invented by the radical liberal Jimmy Carter in order to allow for an extra day of big government deficit spending every four years,” said Mr. Gingrich during a scheduled campaign stop at a Piggly Wiggly in Canton, Georgia.

Newt Gingrich explains his plan to abolish Leap Day.

Despite his valiant efforts, Gingrich has so far been unable to "out crazy" his political rivals. photo: ajagendorf25

Mr. Gingrich continued to a cheering, if somewhat confused crowd: “And quite frankly, I’m disgusted with the fact that President Obama has allowed this awful policy to continue. It makes no sense, and one of my first acts as president would be totally abolish Leap Day.”

Political analysts have described the former speaker’s declaration as a clear attempt to beef up his conservative credentials and regain some of the excitement around his fading campaign.

“This is a clear move to the right. None of the other candidates have come out so strongly against Leap Day,” commented Grace Ashnimae, Chief Political Analyst for news website “Romney is neutral on the subject and we don’t even know how Paul or Santorum feel about the extra day every four years.”

When asked about the technical feasibility of his plans, Mr. Gingrich stated that the “jury is still out” on the science behind Leap Day, but if a consensus does emerge supporting the necessity of Leap Day, the GOP hopeful said he would push for “free market solutions” instead of “heavy-handed, draconian federal regulations”.

“The federal government has no right to tell the American people how to arrange their calendars,” said Mr. Gingrich. “Why should some unaccountable bureaucrat in Washington tell Jack and Jane in Nebraska how many days are in a year? By giving this power back to the states and business leaders, I feel that more effective and efficient solutions can be created for subdividing America’s years.”

According to reports, Mr. Gingrich went even further with his critique of the Leap Day system by highlighting how ridiculous it would be to use the current calendar on his eventual Moon Base.

2 thoughts on “Gingrich: “I would abolish Leap Day.””

  1. Logan Kelly says:

    I want to go eat at Piggly Wiggly, lulz

  2. Marthacares says:

    A historian ought to know that leap year was begun in 45 BC by Julius Ceasar. If we didn’t have it, the seasons would get screwed up over time. These guys don’t let facts get in the way of their comments, do they.

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