Europe “Calls a Mulligan” regarding Somalia
LONDON, UK – After watching Somalia marinate in two decades of civil war and violent instability like the world’s worst stew, Europe has decided to redo the entire country.
“We now admit that Somalia is kind of our bad,” stated British Prime Minister and James Cameron fan club president David Cameron. The world leader went on to state that “Europe wants to correct its mistake, and so it invokes the divine right of the mulligan in regards to Somalia.”
After taking further criticism for its collective domination and neglect of Somalia over the past two centuries, British and Italian officials explained that it was 19th century and a lot of “crazy things” happened that they “probably shouldn’t tell their kids about.”
In a press release distributed to all major news outlets, the United Nations declared the recent summit in London as a chance to “really get it right this time, guys.” The world body stated that it would “totally draw up a game plan” right after “we deal with this whole Syria thing.”
Tentative plans suggested by officials demonstrate Europe’s willingness to experiment with this recent retroactive colonization effort. According to sources close to the ongoing discussions, leaders are proposing “not to subject the people of Somalia to years of economic exploitation and political malfeasance before giving the country independence.”
Other plans include dropping the “Hope for the Best” policy adopted by many European nations when many African colonies gained independence in the mid-20th century, though reports indicate a few countries are still “fond of the idea”.
The United States has applauded what has been dubbed Europe’s “Mulligan Policy” and stated that Somalia is once and for all “their fault”.
Upon hearing the news, both the Somali rebels and Western-backed government chuckled at the idea before getting a distant, nostalgic look in their eyes.