Euro Leaders Decide to Let Greece Burn, Collect Insurance Money
ATHENS, GREECE – In an unprecedented move of solidarity, European leaders have unanimously agreed to discreetly burn down the economically floundering Greece in order to collect billions of euros in insurance claims.
Those close to the secretive and often tense negotiations regarding the Greek financial crisis have described the decision to burn down Greece as a “monumental breakthrough” that is “strongly supported” by the European Union’s “strongest nations”.
According to anonymous sources, eurozone officials plan to hold “sluggish, futile financial negotiations” until Greece “just sort of implodes”.
“We’re all very pleased with this plan,” commented Friedrich Wulf, a prominent German economist and closet werewolf. “The Greeks have already shown that they can destroy their country fiscally, and I think this is an excellent way to put those skills to work in a physical way.”
Greek citizens quickly embraced the idea. Some citizens have already begun implementing popular new EU policy by organizing “anarchy firebomb squads” in order to “celebrate Greek nationalism by razing entire city blocks”, according to earlier reports.
“By deciding to obliterate Greece, the EU is finally listening to the voice of the Greek people,” said prominent Greek rioter and anarchist Aethon Pepez, who believes the best way to create a financial firewall around Greece is to literally burn the nation to the ground.
While the insurance fraud plan has overwhelming support from the general public, pro-reform Greeks have encountered resistance from local police forces trying to preserve the Greek state and stop what they describe as “lawless rioters”.
The police officers are violently opposed to the EU policy, and many hope to shake the confidence of European leaders in the Greek people’s ability to reduce the country to cinders.
Despite the wide appeal of the plan, French and German financial ministers have signaled to the Greek people to keep their intentions hidden from insurance companies. After the entirety of Greece has been devastated, the Greek citizenry and EU leaders are prepared to act surprised and blame a gas leak or possibly Turkey.