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Earthquake Lets Citizens Forget World for Evening

EAST COAST, USA – A reported magnitude 5.8 earthquake rippled through the East Coast earlier this week, allowing citizens to completely block out the harsh, intractable problems engulfing the world for an entire evening. Many residents of the Eastern United States reported near complete amnesia of worldly events during and immediately after the earthquake.

“I wasn’t even thinking of the violent crackdown of protestors by the Syrian government while watching my coffee tremble in its cup,” recounted Washington D.C. resident Jennifer Winsel. “It was hypnotizing.”

The rare but not unheard of strength of the quake combined with the lack of any significant damage or injury immediately drew justifiably intense media scrutiny and spread like wildfire on social media websites.

USGS Earthquake map

This image created by the government was supposed to help people understand which areas were affected by the earthquake.

“That’s all anybody was talking about at dinner,” said Craig Hermoor, a resident of Mineral, VA. “During dinner with the family, I tried to bring up the apparent victory of the Libyan rebels, but everyone just stared at me blankly. We just talked about how weird it was that we had an earthquake.”

Unverified reports have claimed that some Americans on the Eastern seaboard were so jostled from their daily routines that they were briefly unaware of their perilous financial integrity and the nation’s feeble economic recovery.

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