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Dems Scramble to Snatch Defeat from Jaws of Supreme Court Victory

WASHINGTON, D.C. – After two years of continuous assault from conservative critics over President Obama’s landmark healthcare reform legislation, Democrats are scrambling to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory after being almost completely vindicated by the Supreme Court of the United States.

Completely blindsided by the favorable 5-4 decision from Chief Justice John Roberts, the Democrat Party is uncomfortable with its newfound constitutional high ground and has worked vigorously, if futilely, to undermine its current political advantage.

Joe Biden

In a desperate bid to garner negative news coverage, President Obama left Vice President Joe Biden unsupervised in front of a microphone for five hours after the healthcare decision.

“We simply can’t find many faults with the law or the Supreme Court decision,” commented one staffer for a top Democratic U.S. Senator. “You have no idea how hard it was to make people hate you when we gave them affordable healthcare if they had a preexisting condition. It was tough to intentionally make the Affordable Care Act sound terrible the first time. Now that we have the Supreme Court’s approval, it’s going to be impossible.”

Despite the significant positive ramifications the Supreme Court’s decision, some Democrats are hoping the interpretation of the individual mandate penalty as a tax increase will put them to into a more familiar, politically defensive position.

News media analysts, however, are skeptical that Democrats will be able to pull out of their current soaring victory. Experts point to coverage from major news outlets characterizing the Supreme Court decision regarding Obamacare as a “major achievement” and “unqualified success” for Democrats and liberals across the country.

“How are we supposed to look bad when the Supreme Court hands us a major political and policy victory,” asked David Zekiras, a major Democratic organizer for President Obama’s reelection campaign team in Columbus, Ohio.

“I mean come on. U.S. Attorney General Eric Holder was voted in contempt of Congress on the same day. We should be getting skewered for that, but instead, nobody even noticed,” continued Mr. Zekaris.

The feeling of unavoidable political success has spread throughout the party, with many questioning whether the trying to look politically inept and effectively incompetent is worth all the effort when met with such favorable outcomes.