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Tech Department Hopes to Raise Student Inconvenience by 28% this Semester

SUBTERRANEAN SERVER LABYRINTH – Looking excitedly from cubicle to cubicle, Tech Director Allan “Crazy Al” Hobkins was in high spirits as he walked past his colleagues early Monday morning.

“We’ve really accomplished something here- really provided a service that can’t be counted on,” said the head of Michigan State University’s Tech Department, nearly tearing up as he walked past a training cubicle where employees were being instructed on how to most effectively misinterpret an email error report.

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Is Earth another Lehman Brothers?

CANADIAN DESERT – According to high level administration officials, the White House has decided that planet Earth, long believed to be a crucial component of all human existence, will not be “bailed out” of its current climate disaster by the United States government. White House officials, who spoke on condition of anonymity for fear of reprisal, revealed that the administration “had weighed the pros and cons of saving Earth, but did not want to set a precedent that other planets may exploit.”