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The Candidates

Area Man Honestly Excited About GOP Field

LANSING, MI – On the eve of Michigan’s Republican presidential primary, officials from laser sound effects and political polling organization the Pew Research Center have identified an individual living Lansing, Michigan as “dangerously excited” about current GOP field. “He tested off the charts in enthusiasm

Parthenon

Euro Leaders Decide to Let Greece Burn, Collect Insurance Money

ATHENS, GREECE – In an unprecedented move of solidarity, European leaders have unanimously agreed to discreetly burn down the economically floundering Greece in order to collect billions of euros in insurance claims. Those close to the secretive and often tense negotiations regarding the Greek financial