Barclays: “Libor A Smashing Success!”
LONDON – By manipulating the London Inter-Banking Offer Rate (Libor), multinational British banking and financial services institution Barclays has successfully surpassed all recent banking scandals in size and scope, say industry experts.
“Due to the sheer magnitude this revelation, Barclays is now in a dominant position in the competitive banking corruption market. With the ongoing investigation, this scandal will last for months, if not years,” explained Peter Mongeul, an economist and frequent contributor to The Wall Street Journal regarding banking practices and regulations.
“They really hit this one out of the ballpark,” continued Mr. Mongeul.
Experts agree with Mr. Monguel. Economists from various financial institutions have hailed Barclays’ unethical achievements as a “shining symbol” of banking “rotting, stagnant core.”
While initially uncertain whether media outlets would be able to effectively convey the profoundly egregious nature of its actions, Barclays has since indicated its delight at the media firestorm and public outrage now target at the bank.
“We couldn’t be happier,” said Oliver Johnson, Vice President of public affairs for the distressed bank. “Things were slow at first, but once [ex-CEO Bob] Diamond resigned, the ball really got rolling.”
Barclays went even further, stating that Bank of America will be “hard pressed” to “one up” them with their “pitiful robo-signing scandal.”
Responding to Barclays claim, Bank of America released a statement praising Barclays’ “impressively corrupt internal practices” but refused to comment on its own “scandalous projects” which it described as “ongoing”. Barclays has told the media to keep an eye out for “new and exciting twists and turns” that “nobody will see coming” in order to maintain its commanding image as one of the world’s most corrupt companies in the general consciousness.
“ We’ve still got a few bombshells ready to unleash, and I think everyone will be unpleasantly surprised,” said Mr. Johnson, stifling a chuckle.