Barack Obama Elected President of European Union
BRUSSELS, BELGIUM – In a shocking conclusion to what has been a highly contentious election, Barack Obama, known worldwide for his role as 44th President of the United Sates of America, has been elected President of the European Union. Early reports indicate that after a midnight hour surge in popularity, President Barack Obama was elected President of the European Union despite being ineligible and never having announced his candidacy.
“It’s like writing a letter to Santa,” explained Johan Krost, a prominent EU prime minister and leader of the grassroots EurObama political organization. “The hard part is done now that we’ve elected him. It’s just a matter of time until all of our hopes and dreams are fulfilled.” Prime Minister Krost went on to explain the election as a “gesture of goodwill from Europe” that should help boost Pres. Obama’s favorability at home, especially among political opponents, by portraying him as an “international President.”
According to many European political experts, Obama’s win in Europe should increase his political capital at home so that he may swiftly pass healthcare reform. Some optimistic observers believe the President may even be able to single-handedly cool the sun, thereby solving the global climate change crisis.
President Obama himself was “giddy with glee” upon hearing the results, reported aides. Indeed, the exhibited President’s uncharacteristic exuberance when he addressed the nation on the subject: “This is just great. I think my opponents will finally see me for the international celebrity I am, rather than President solely concerned with the well-being of the American public like George W. Bush and New Orleans. I know that I have strayed from my responsibility of neglecting domestic concerns by trying to pass healthcare legislation, but I think this will fully shift my attention away from the United States of America.”
Republicans, often critical of the President’s inability to cooperate with European governments and resonate with the European people, have lauded Mr. Obama with praise, congratulating him and proclaiming his victory a monumental leap forward in international relations.