Since the advent of the modern healthcare system, Zombie Americans have been unable to procure health insurance or even seek medical assistance due to their pre-existing condition of “undeath.”
HEARTLAND CITY, REAL AMERICA – The sun, cresting majestically over the snowy horizon, painted everything in the early morning stillness with stark lines of light and shadow. Ageless pine trees whispered softly in our ears as a light breeze filtered past Mr. Hutchinson and me, waiting patiently in our hunting stand.
“Quiet now, you don’t wanna spook ‘em,” cautioned my guide in hush tones as a well dressed man in his early 30’s entered the clearing. In the middle of the clearing lay our bait, a well written daily sales report. The businessman approached sheepishly, trying, without success, to spot any hidden threats. Just as the man reached the bait, my guide squeezed the trigger on his tranquilizer gun and dropped the executive without hesitation.
LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL – Read from the trembling lips of a balding, translucent man with a faint air of belabored resignation, the statement stunned those members of the media in attendance. Jaws dropped. Pens fell to the floor. The faint of heart swooned. Questions soon erupted from the silent void, however, besieging the resolute figure with one singular question: How? The pale man wiped a brow, scarred by eons of wrinkles, and began his dismal tale.