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All posts by That One Ben

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Supreme Court Ruling, “Just Do It.”

SUPREME COURT REGENERATION POD – In a move that the stunned the normally docile mainstream media, approximately 55.56% of the United States Supreme Court ruled it unconstitutional to prohibit the oft maligned corporation from exercising its First Amendment right of shamelessly bending the blind masses to its superior will.

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“Late Night” Gladiatorial Duel to the Death

NBC COLLISEUM – After a hilarious week of exchanging cringe-inducing verbal barbs, late night titans Jay Leno and Conan O’Brien are set to trade vitriolic jokes for physical blows in an upcoming fight to death set be the opening event of the 2009 Winter Olympics.

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Banks Promise Not to Fail Again

DERIVATIVE NURSERY – After many months of intense behind-the-scenes negotiations with Congress, those prominent banks which were being designated “too big to fail,” and hence received federal bailout funds, have promised not to fail again. The promise, a completely nonbinding and optional agreement, has gained