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All posts by That One Ben

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CNN Introduces New Country: Kyrgyzstan

Production began almost immediately. CNN bought huge tracts of land from China, Kazakhstan, Uzbekistan, and Tajikistan in order to build its own country. Entire cities, towns, and villages were built by college interns in painstaking detail so as to accurately portray the environment of a former Soviet bloc country. Millions of people from neighboring countries were then imported into the newly formed state. According to high-level sources, every individual was assigned a specific ethnicity, personality, and political disposition.

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Toyota Backpedaling Accelerates

RUNAWAY CAMRY, KANSAS – Criticized as lethargic in its response to potentially deadly problems in some of its most popular models, car giant Toyota Motor Corp. fought off barrage after barrage of intense questioning by Congress this week. The embattled manufacturer attempted to walk the razor’s edge between displaying humility while trying to save face and reinvigorate confidence in its product.

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Lazarus Healthcare

HEALTHCARE BATTLEGROUND – Ending the nation’s lengthy healthcare reform trial-run, President Obama has decided the time has come to introduce a real healthcare reform bill to Congress for consideration.