INTUITIVELY DESIGNED APPLE iHQ – With the intensity of a lion ready to pounce on a wounded gazelle, the technology saint, dressed in his holy garb of a mock turtleneck and jeans, entered the room carrying nothing more than an envelope and deck of cards. Those lesser mortals in the room trembled as reality bent and quivered in his wake. As one they readied their souls for the sacred words of their prophet.
GULF OF OIL, LA – Displaying further evidence of being caught off guard by the severity of the Deep Water Horizon disaster, oil behemoth British Petroleum has begun using the “broken hopes and dreams” of gulf coast residents to soak up broad swaths of the toxic black substance that have not been effectively contained using traditional techniques.
FOREIGN NEWS SANCTUARY, BBC – A new report released by the World Wildlife Fund (WWF) has found that the ongoing BP oil spill crisis has significantly impacted the population of foreign news correspondents, which had already been placed on the endangered species list following the 2008 presidential election.